3 Pillars of Acceptance in Recovery

During my past of substance abuse, there were innumerable external obstacles as well as internal hindrances blocking my path to recovery.

Seven total years of addiction, beginning at age 18 with alcoholism, progressed to opioid use disorder into my thirties. I never made any significant progress with any of the half-hearted efforts to achieve sobriety. That’s because I was missing one key element: acceptance.

Taking a hard look at myself

At age 31, I finally had that moment where I looked myself in the proverbial mirror and faced my biggest enemy: myself.

It actually wasn’t a mirror that I was staring at when I had my acceptance moment. It was a floor. Going through what would end up being my final substance-induced withdrawal, I was staring at the tile floor below me, head down, defeated, and dope-sick.

I began to replay my life up to that point, which had been marred with addiction and prison, when I finally had my revelation. My acceptance moment. There were three things that I had to accept.

My three pillars of acceptance

1. Accepting a change has to be made

As bad as my life had gotten over a decade-plus of bad decisions, mistakes, and losses that resulted in consequences like prison and addiction, surprisingly, I never once absolutely considered or fully committed to the idea that a complete change in lifestyle needed to be made.

My efforts to make change in my life consisted of shortcuts or alternate avenues to be able to have my cake and eat it too. A la: get high as I pleased and live a successful life. I had to accept that it is impossible for the two to coexist.

2. Only I have the power to change this

I also had to accept that no one was coming to save me. While staring at the floor, still pondering in deep thought, I began to repeat to myself: “You’re the problem, bro…You’re the problem, bro.”

Accountability was something I had dodged completely my entire adult life. I always blamed things on bad luck or someone else’s fault. It was always something! For the first time, I had to realize that only I could change my life. It was very empowering.

3. I haven’t changed yet, and that’s okay

The time I had spent as an addict, particularly the decade between ages 20–30, weighed heavily on my conscience constantly. I had felt like I had indefinitely ruined my life. Like I had missed my chance. Like I had blown it. I never tried to meet those feelings of regret with compassion. I began repeating to myself, “Bro, it’s okay. You still have time.”

The truth is, I did still have time. I was 31, with a whole lot of life to live. It was a much-valued perspective shift I needed to begin to move forward. And that’s exactly what I did shortly thereafter.

Acceptance was my foundation of healing

Acceptance, in terms of recovery, is often associated with the concept of acknowledging that you have an issue. That is a big part of it. However, I do think it goes deeper than that. Personal accountability and compassion were also pillars of my acceptance in recovery. When I was able to accept all three of these pillars of acceptance, I was mentally prepared to move forward.

And I did.

That was my last withdrawal and my last addiction ever. And I owe a lot of it to my acceptance moment.