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Patient InsiderHi,I'm JenStarting treatment gave mea second chance at life.

Jen Holstrum

I wasn’t misusing my medication

I was taking what my doctor gave me – as prescribed – for chronic pain. But then I moved to a new city. My doctor dropped me. No new doctor would prescribe my pain meds. My insurance kept cutting down how much they’d give me. That meant I went into withdrawals every 48 hours. I had no energy – I was always in bed. My body was addicted, but I didn’t see it. After six long years on this medication, I went into inpatient treatment. That’s when things changed for me. You don’t realize how it’s affecting you until you’re out of it.

I feel like life is coming back to me.

I had to change my mindset

While in treatment I met other people who struggled with addiction. The media portrays addiction negatively, but I got to see the other side. I was surrounded by people who motivated me. We all could relate, so we connected.

We met in groups. We wrote. I took a walk every day. I was becoming more myself: a better mom, a better wife, a better person. On our calls, my husband said he could hear it in my voice. I told him, “This is what I needed.”

They taught us about the hijacked brain. This is a disease. I realized that even though I wasn't misusing my pain medication, I was still dependent on it.

On that first day home, everything looked brand new to me. I couldn’t believe it. I was like, “It’s so bright! Was it always like this?” Before, I had this haze over everything. That was gone. I even started painting again. Every day I grew more grateful.

I’m now on medication for opioid use disorder to help with my chronic pain, but it doesn't cause that brain fog. One thing I learned from this journey: how to “put it all in a box.” I’m at the point where I can say, “Okay, today I know that I'm not feeling well, and it's due to this.” But I don't always have to be right there in the trenches of everything that I've ever been through.

Going into recovery is hard. You have to feel everything that you were numbing for all those years. If you’re like me, I’m telling you: keep going. You’re strong. Don't hide behind your smile and bottle everything up. You’re worth it.

I rely on myself to get through the day.

I take it day by day

I still have flare-ups with my chronic conditions. But I handle them differently these days. I’m not beating myself up constantly. I say to myself, “This was hard, but tomorrow will be better.” I used to lean on so many crutches. Now I rely on myself to take on whatever obstacles come my way.

Looking back, I was constantly begging doctors to listen. I felt judged, isolated, and stuck in survival mode…hating myself and in pain. Today, I’m in control of my chronic pain. Getting to know myself brought my life back. Now I’m just trying to change people's perspectives on things.

Jen Holstrum

My Reading List

You're not alone in this. Here are some resources that may help.


Oh, and follow more of my story.