What To Do If You Relapse on Drugs or Alcohol

"Relapse is part of recovery" is a slogan heavily ingrained in the substance use disorder and recovery lexicon. Although it is one of my least favorite expressions, it was proven true through my past behavioral and personal recovery story.

How I finally made the change I needed

In 2016, I was released from jail. I felt absolutely certain that, this time, unlike the last 10 times I had gotten clean (voluntarily or involuntarily), I was going to remain clean. I was confident.

But within a week, physical and psychological urges overwhelmed me, and I relapsed on opioids. I continued using for the next 2 years until I went back to prison. This time for 4 years.

During this time, I finally made the change I needed. I've remained sober for 6 years since my release.

My 4 steps to get back on track

I feel more confident than ever that I will remain on this path. However, I still carry the lessons I learned from my prior opioid relapses.

1. Get honest

An integral part of my personal recovery journey happened during a group session in the treatment unit I was housed in. We were asked to elaborate on our past substance use history — something I had never done for the entire time I was in active addiction.

I said out loud, "I was addicted to heroin and meth," and I broke down crying. The shame and the guilt of my addictions that stemmed from various relapses weighed on me for years. The admission of my truth was a cathartic release.

Confiding in someone in your recovery circle — a parent, sibling, sponsor, counselor, or therapist — can lighten the weight of the shame and guilt that may gather on your shoulders after a relapse. For me, accepting the misstep, having an honest conversation with a trusted individual, and being honest about my situation, set the groundwork to move forward.

We often tell ourselves we will fix it quietly. We plan to "get back on track" and move on like nothing happened. What we fail to realize is the shame and guilt can become a burden that creates overwhelming anxiety, prohibiting us from moving forward.

Before doing anything else, find a loved one or someone that has your best interest at heart, and get honest.

2. Avoid isolation and get connected

The natural inclination after a relapse is to isolate. We tend to hide from people and stay away from everyone because, "It’s not their problem, it’s mine." The shame, guilt, and embarrassment can make you feel like that's what's best. But that’s actually the opposite of what we need.

One of the greatest human needs is to feel connected. It uplifts and provides comfort, creating a sense of emotional safety. Whether it's NA, AA, an online community, a therapist, or being around family, getting connected with other people fulfills that core human need. It reaffirms the fact that you're not alone.

3. Analyze what happened

Experience is life's greatest teacher, but it can also be its harshest. We often learn our most valuable lessons from our most difficult predicaments.

It may help to process the relapse through introspective thought, conversation, or journaling. Try to identify where you took a wrong turn. Examine the people, places, and things that may have contributed to the setback.

Also, keep account of the things that were working in your recovery. What do you need to do more of? Less of? What do you need to remove altogether?

Here in lies the details and the wisdom you need to make your continued journey in recovery a perpetual success. The knowledge you gain from retracing your steps will make you all the more wise and capable moving forward. Most times, it's exactly what we need.

4. Understand it's not over

A relapse often feels like the end of the world — a devastating and deflating disappointment. This weighted perspective cripples the movement forward which could otherwise be rapid and fast moving.

But there is still so much more life to live. One misstep does not define you. Relapse is a setback, not a sentence, and it does not erase the progress you've already made.

Embrace the infinite positive possibilities that lie ahead in your future. Recovery is not about perfection. It's also not linear. Believing that the life you desire and dream of is still obtainable is an invaluable perspective because of it’s forward magnetic pull.

Keep your mind focused on the dream, the purpose, the goal, rather than your past, and you will find yourself getting closer and closer to achieving it sooner than later.

Should you change your sobriety date after a relapse?

A big debate online is whether you need to change your sobriety date after a relapse. People wonder whether they must go from multiple days, weeks, months, or years back to day one.

I'll let you decide the correct method, but I do know that relapse does not erase your progress. Relapse only happens after a period of sobriety. Every lesson learned, every skill developed, every internal gain from that journey is yours to keep.

As you continue your journey towards recovery, this time will be no different. You will learn, develop, and gain even more. This recovery journey will be an everlasting victory.