There Is Hope!

I’m not going to go into my whole life story. We all have a story. Some are worse than others. But I want everyone to know that you don’t have to suffer anymore. I used for almost 30 years. I didn’t think I could ever stop. My family was even convinced that I would never be able to stop.

Following the light

One night, almost 9 years ago, I was trying to fall asleep in my car, the only thing I had left. At this point, I was pretty much on a mission to end it all. But I couldn’t sleep because this red flashing emergency room sign was too bright. Something or someone, divine intervention, God, a spiritual awakening or whatever you would want to call it made me think that maybe it was a real sign.

I had dope in my pocket, I wasn’t about to lose everything, I already did. But those were the usual reasons I would go to detox or rehab. Something about that light, made me walk up and sign myself in. I went to detox, and got back on Suboxone. I slowly started to get back everything and everyone that I had lost. And by the grace of God, I have stayed clean.

Staying away from what kept me sick

I finally realized that I had to stay away from all the people, places, and things that kept me sick. I know I use a lot of AA/NA phrases, because some of them are very true. But I don’t go to meetings. It wasn’t for me. But they do help many! I do therapy and try to share my experience, strength, and hope with other addicts whenever I can. I wake up every single day, grateful, that I don’t have to live that life anymore. And it hasn’t been easy.

Experiencing struggles and blessings

I have had loss, and my own personal struggles. I turned 50 this year. I lost my teeth, have problems with my back, need to walk with a cane because I got osteonecrosis in my hip and my bones fused. I have been in an unbelievable amount of chronic pain for years. I having an upcoming hip replacement surgery. My hair has started to fall out. But none of these things took me back out there. I have also had so many blessings.

Regaining trust

I’m a grandmother now. The daughter that swore she would never speak to me again, has given me the most amazing gift of taking care of her child while she works. I have my family’s trust back. My husband of 28 years is back by my side.

There is always hope

I have been to worst of the worst places, have done the worst of the worst things to get what I needed. But that wasn’t me. And I don’t ever have to be that person or live that life ever again. And either do you! I know it may seem hopeless, but there is always hope. You may have tried 100 times before, but the next time may be the time you get it, like I did. There are resources out there! You just have to ask for help. Nothing changes if nothing changes.

I just wanted to share my story to let everyone know they’re not alone. And there is always hope.